Slowly, slowly, learning, learning, process, process... Getting there quite surely, indeed. ♦

Dan Mikos — Wed, 25 Jan 2012 12:43:26 +0000

I hate this. I grew up wrong. Wasn’t bought up right. Been left to my own means now. Have no issues in the physical world. But emotionally I’m abused. FUCK. I hate life. Life isn’t fun. Life is SHIT. How can I love people when I hate myself. How can I do things for people when no one has ever taken care of me? Why didn’t anyone mentor me as a teenager? Why didn’t anyone take me out and show me things? Was I not special? Coming home everyday after school to an empty house and a voice message on the answering machine from Mum explaining why she wouldn’t be home for hours to only just then come home and go out again with Donna. I’ve done so much for people. Been a “pleasure”, a “no drama” kid. I made it easy for Mum. I “dazzled” and impressed her friends. I made it easy for people drop things on me. Why has no one done the same for me? Why am I now empty? FUCK.
I have problems going out with large groups of people. I want to go out with just you. Not 20 people. I sink. Why don’t you take me out and show me things? Teach me the things that shape who I become? Things that I’ll look back on as fond memories filled with love. Leave me a legacy to continue?? …show me how to become an adult. A man. Let me take your hand into opportunities you setup just for me. You did nothing for me. You left me no wisdom. No friends. No vision. No affirmation. FUCK. why was I always alone? you left me abandoned. You
all did. …that’s just really unfair. I now know why I can’t love. I don’t know love. All I know is works. I don’t know friendship. I know obligation. I don’t know fun. I know pity-parties. FUCK. I don’t know what it’s like to fall asleep in the safety of my Dads arms. FUCK YOU. No wonder my sexuality is confused. I was meant to have met a beautiful girl by now with plans of a family soon to come… Yet here I am dealing with a SHIT WASTE OF TIME emotional and mental struggle because all I want is love from a guy and only a guy. I want to be held for the first in my life. YOU REALLY MESSED UP. YOU LET ME GET TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. And made me feel it was my fault. You know that?? NO ONE HAS EVER STOOD UP FOR ME. not even in Church. You saw how much I was doing! You knew it wasn’t healthy… Why didn’t you say something on my behalf?? YOU NEVER SPOKE TO ME. You KNEW you should speak to me but you put it off and put it off… I wasn’t a priority in your life. I was your housekeeper. You let me burn out… You let me work myself into nothing. With no friends to help me back up. You never taught me that it was relationships that we’re most important. I thought my work was good. It wasn’t. It doesn’t get you anywhere. Apart from nowhere. I hate that you “trusted God” with everything. You used it as a crutch when you should’ve put some practicality into your prayers. God needs our hands occasionally you know!! You just left me to figure it out for myself. Well I figured out nothing. Except the path to loneliness, self hate and a knowing that suicide is a sin– so, sorry buddy, no way out.

Face time anyone? (No, not the Apple kind)

Dan Mikos — Sun, 25 Sep 2011 09:15:10 +0000

Argh. I’m this close to taking another break from social networks and push myself further in to living in the real world, with real people that I can touch, see and relate with the way humans were designed to. More and more I’m just finding this online interaction doesn’t work (for me).

Type type type type lol type type stalk stalk type type stalk type lol type– Ugh, this is doing nothing for me but taking taking taking.

Tired and pressured.

So-ah, who wants to meet up and have coffee?

Farewell.

Dan Mikos — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 12:46:01 +0000

There’s my team.
I’ve been here since I was 14.
As hard as it is to leave the family I’ve grown up with, I’m excited to have the love and support of them all, the encouragement to try something new, to take the risk into the “yet-to-be-revealed” … It’s leaving on the best of terms, in the happiest of times and with the complete backing of my family. (Plus, I know I’ll be back one-day.)

Though, I do find it sad that you don’t know how much you love someone until you have to say bye. It does make you regret not taking advantage of what and who you have around you until it’s too late. …Learning, learning.

Maree, Shawn, Marie, Monique, Lisa, Adele, Dino, Tanya, James, Astrid, Mario, Grant, Matt, Chris (not pictured), Anthony (not pictured), Angeline (not pictured) and precious Moo-ey… I love you. Thank you for being there for me and helping me become who I am now.

—-

oh, and I’ll see you all on Sunday…

Remembering that time when I sent an official complaint to Wrigley’s that the new Extra packaging didn’t keep the chewing gum fresh long enough for me to finish the packet and they sent me a $5 credit card to purchase Wrigley’s products. …Where DID that card go?

Dan Mikos — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 04:02:46 +0000

Hello.

Dan Mikos — Sat, 20 Aug 2011 13:31:15 +0000

My decision to exit the Worship Team, was fueled by a decision to pursue a heart passion. Digital Media. I want to go study, I want time to develop my skill in photography, video, graphics and web. My passion for music just isn’t there right now. Not that it won’t come back, it’s just a different season. I’ll be back!!

Thursday night, I picked up my tool for the next 5 years. A 27″ iMac. (and a 12 seater dining table from IKEA the Thursday before to put it on.)

Unfortunately, yesterday I found out that my last 3 pay days had been payed at my old APS3 level. I was counting on my APS4 level to make this purchase. Sooo, until my back-pay comes through in two Thursdays time… I’m poor.
Haha, But when hasn’t any Apple or Sony-related purchase set me on a two-week, forced fast and daily walk to work.

It’s a gorgeous machine.

…that speaker-grill. Mm!

I optioned in for the Trackpad — After 3 years of laptop use, It feels most natural. Plus I already owned a ‘Magic’ Mouse. Not a fan.

Now I need to decide (there’s that magic word again!) and confirm just exactly what study path to take – Apart from the yearly subscription to Apple’s One-to-One service – And mess up that desk a bit with some character!!!

Pronto.

Make one and be okay with it.

Dan Mikos — Wed, 17 Aug 2011 07:08:06 +0000

Last night was my last night at Worship Practice.
This Sunday will be my last Sunday on the Worship Team.
I finally made a decision.
I finally made a decision to make a decision and be okay with it.
It was hard.
I realised this is just another lesson in the whole life series of “learning how to be a man”
Decision making.

My life up until this point, everything,
every opportunity,
every job,
every area of service,
every door has been open for me and laid out before me to simply follow through and take on.
Decisions have been made for me. This is what I was used to and this is what I liked. It took the pressure off me.

The last 23 years, I have been used to this model of living.

Clearly that model is dead and no longer works.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. Still learning.

—-
Funnily enough, nothing aggravates me more than people who can’t make a decision.
Slap in the face to discover I’ve been one this whole time.
eek.

These right here…

Dan Mikos — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 23:59:04 +0000

I’ve been looking for a simple, classic, pared-down pair of headphones for a while.
Nixon Apollo.
Beautiful. Look forward to purchasing…

Oh, what a feeling!… Hyundai

Dan Mikos — Fri, 12 Aug 2011 07:20:48 +0000

This is Mum. She’s turning 50 next week. So Seh, Grant and I took her to go significantly mark the occasion by making her jump out of a plane.

Training on the run.

I would’ve preferred more of a ‘gentleman’ to take care of her in the sky. (But at least he was passionate.)

Bye Mum!….

She landed. She laid there… BUT she loved it. (After the 30 mins it took for her to lose the ‘car-sickness’ that is.)

Mum also bought her first new car since 1998. So naturally, I had to make her do the Toyota jump in front of it. (ugh, we had to do so many takes. :P)

A new car, a Skydive out of a plane?! A trip to Melbourne and an intimate dinner with close friends coming up — Damn, Mum sure is entering the next half of her life awesomely! I could learn a few things or two from her.

And I thought finding a gold coin was special.

Dan Mikos — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 06:36:23 +0000

I just found three $50 notes in a slight bundle on Reservoir St whilst walking up to grab a small cap and pear & rasberry loaf slice from BangBang. I stopped, $150 in my hand, looking around. The street was empty, no one around! I nervously kept walking, slipping the notes into my front pocket. This has never happened to me before. What do I do? Is there a protocol to follow when it comes to finding large amounts of money sitting on the sidewalk? Do I need to put up a sign? Ask around at the local stores? …or is it literally ‘finders keepers’?

I receive my order at BangBang and walk back toward work. I then see a $50 note half way down the next block. SERIOUSLY?!

I’m feeling so bad right now for the person who dropped $200 on the street. The poor thing. Hopefully it’s something they’ll be able to absorb quite easily.

I will hold on to it for a while and look out for some posters/ word before I decide to push into the Building Fund.

Thank you, Jesus!…

Kind of knew it would happen. Though, still shocked when it actually did.

Dan Mikos — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 02:45:33 +0000

I’ve been working as an APS Level 3 for 2 years now at the Classification Branch. It’s the lowest rung/ pay-grade in the organization. Over the coarse of my 2 years here I’ve been offered the next step up, APS4, but have declined on all occasions due to that role including client liaising. The thought of having to deal with unpredictable clients, their needs, their stupid mistakes etc freaked me out enough to further enjoy working in my own little world. Yes, client frustrations make for hilarious stories around the office, but only cause I’m watching from the sideline. Not interested in the headache.

Last month, we had a huge influx of one-off work come through our door– so much so that I was once again offered the APS4 position to assist in processing the influx. I accepted. The difference being that there was no client liaison involved as this work was coming from another Government Department (meaning, they know what they’re doing – no headaches.)

It’s been an awesome month. Apart from having to train another person in my APS3 role, I’ve been loving the new role, the change of pace. The days have been flying by and I feel like I’ve been achieving something daily. Oh, and the extra $30 a week hasn’t gone astray either.

Aanyhoo. The initial month was up which meant it was time for me to head back down to my old job– though, the influx hadn’t stopped or even slowed. The work was still there. I got extended another 2 weeks. Happy about that. I wasn’t ready to go back down. Though, my replacement couldn’t accepted the extension. I was now running my two roles simultaneously. Its only two weeks though, right? And I had my team to help out.

This week a permanent APS4 position was offered to me. Without hesitation, I accepted. Knowing that I have the ‘work’ part of it down, I’m feeling more confident in taking on the client side.

At the end of the day, I think 2 years in an unchallenging job is long enough, yes it was super comfortable — but were we as humans designed to live like that? Based on the past two years… No, no we weren’t. It doesn’t work. We need the discomfort, the unpredictability. It keeps us alive. I need life.

Happy to have some change, even though I am a little scared and have no idea what will happen and if I can even do this new role.

See how we go! And at the end of the day… Pay-rise? yes, please. :)